You'll go to hell for what your mind is thinking

let's go back in time

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 06:42:43 GMT

I want January and early February 2008 back, right now.
please.

you used to be alright, what happened?

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 06:58:43 GMT

I always love harder

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 05:39:58 GMT

If only you knew what's comin'

the more that I try to erase you, the more that you appear..

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 23:33:44 GMT

I'm finally over it, it took a while.
I constantly find myself thinking about all the cute things that happened with you, that have never happened to me before.
Maybe it's just normal stuff, but it didn't feel normal to me. Thanks for all of that, even though it ended because of you.

it goes on.

so long sweet summer

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 05:02:14 GMT

My classes started again tonight. This semester I am taking Spanish 3, Composition 2, Intro to Film, and Anthropology of Human Cultures. Tonight I had my Anthropology class, it seems pretty interesting, except my teacher talks way too much and way too fast.
I'm hoping my other classes don't suck.

So long, Summer 2008.

checklist for Summer 2009:

DO:

go to Cedar Point.
go to Cedar Point again.
become even more pro at hula hooping
take way more pictures.
road trip to Ohio.
go to Lollapalooza
go to NYC
contine to be drug free, etc.
make Ashlee Allen my permanent roommate
marry Ashlee Allen
get even closer to the pharmacy kids
go swimming more
ride my bike more
be more active

DON'T:

leave my camera in my car when I go to Detroit.
get stuck in a traffic jam on the bridge to Canada.
have a summer fling.
let any more friends die from drugs
let any more friends drive drunk
go to work on 2 hours of sleep
get impetigo
work so much
let Michael get drunk at the Post and give my number out to random people

I'll add more to this later.

This is going to be the longest thing I will ever write..

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 03:09:10 GMT

This summer has been the longest summer I have ever had. My last day of classes was April 22nd, and in just a short week I will be starting classes again. Everyone is always a little bit different, or a lot different, at the end of summer, than when it started. So many things have changed for me that I don't even feel like the same person I was 4 months ago.

The first major thing that happened to me, was losing the past year and a half of my life. Almost every weekend consisted of going to a local show (which I absolutely hated), to support Andrew. A lot of my friends came from being with him, and a lot of my time was occupied by him or those people. Since the night he broke up with me 2 months ago, I have not been to a show, I have not seen or spoken with the majority of those people, and I haven't even seen him one time, and may not for a really long time due to the fact that the band signed and he will be full time touring now.

The worst 2 weeks of my life also happened this summer. On May 23rd, in Detroit, I left my car for not even 45 minutes, only to come back to it and find out that my window had been shattered and every piece of camera equipment I own, $2500 worth, was stolen. I didn't get anything back until July 17th, almost 2 months later. Insurance always takes a really long time with claims. That put a huge damper on all of my plans to take a lot of pictures this summer. It also ruined the 366 days project I had been working on perfectly. A week after that happened, on May 30th, I was at CAID and you all know the story, it got raided. There were 20-30 cops wearing black masks that just busted in out of nowhere, all you knew was that you better have your knees and face in that mud or there were guns pointed at you and in your face. I have never had an encounter with the police before. I have never seen anyone beaten by the police in person before. I have never been to court and this is the first ticket I have ever gotten for anything. "Loiter in a place of illegal occupation," no one even understands what that means. The Caid Raid only had one good thing about it, and that's the fact that it made me so much closer to the friends I have met there. Everyone may hate that place but I still miss it a lot. The people I met at that shitty little place are the most beautiful and loving people to ever come into my life. It all started just because Frank and I accidentally bumped into each other one night. Everyone at the pharmacy, and people that associate themselves with them, became my new family, my new people to spend every weekend with and share everything with, and my comfort. Elise and a few of the other girls are the ones that even got me into hooping, which I couldn't be more happy about, because it became my new hobby while I was without a camera. I wouldn't trade any of those people for the world.

There is also someone I met back in February and started getting closer to this summer. It all started a month and a half ago at the Wolf Parade show (which was a really good show), and went on from there. It's hard to find someone that is actually willing to learn how to hula hoop, but I made him a hoop and he actually used it and spent lots of time hooping and making up tricks with me. He also taught me how to skateboard without killing myself, showed me new music, and watched lots of movies with me that I should have seen forever ago. He's someone that I opened up to and knows something deep about me that VERY FEW people know about. He is a good movie buddy, thrifting buddy, hooping buddy, sober buddy, mario kart-ing buddy, and pizza eating buddy. My favorite thing about him is that all I have to do is look at him making a stupid face and I can smile for a really long time. I have a big crush on him but I am perfectly content with whatever happens from here.

I made my first trip to Chicago this summer. I went with Michael and Ashlee. Ashlee has been the biggest part of my life this summer, and we have gotten so much closer. She is my best friend and I don't think she knows how much I love her but I would do anything in the world for her. WE ARE GOING TO CALIFORNIA TO GET MARRIED. Michael just texted me and said by the amount of pictures I have of him in my summer 2008 photo album, this entire entry should be about him haha. We went July 18th-21st to go to Pitchfork Music Festival. All I have to say is that I will remember seeing Animal Collective for the rest of my life. Sometimes I still think about what the first song they played sounded like. I had goosebumps the entire time, even in the extreme heat and humidity. I also can't thank Sean enough for letting us borrow his aparment for the whole weekend, even though it was a shithole, I am soo thankful.

Things have also changed with my family. The first week of June, my job at the office offered me a full time position as the receptionist. NO LONGER AM I THE FILING BITCH. After getting that promotion, I was making a lot more money and I almost moved out into a house with Ashlee, Bonnie, Jamie, and Lou. When I told my mom about it, she seemed really upset about it, because I really have no reason to leave this house yet. My mom and I have always been really close, she is my best friend. We started hanging out A LOT more in that one week, and have been going to gay bars with her transvestite friends haha. They are wonderful. After getting so much closer to my mom in such a short time, I would cry about it every day about leaving, and decided not to. It's always easier to stay than to leave and come back. My parents also let their death grip on me go away, and don't even care that I come home at 7 am all the time. I also figured out what I am doing when I am finished with OCC, and staying at home with my parents would be the best idea until I am finished with everything.

Since I graduated from Adams last year, 2 people from that school have died from heroin overdoses this summer. One of them is a girl that I graduated with, that I barely knew and have never talked to. One of them is a boy named Noah, who still went to school there. Two of Noah's best friends live in my neighborhood, I used to drive one of them to school every morning, and I would see Noah at school every day. I was never really that close to him but seeing every day, and the fact that he has been to my house before really freaked me out. I have never cried so hard from someone dying. Also, I found out fhat my new neighbors that moved here a couple months ago, are his aunt and uncle. That made it hurt so much more for me to see what it did to them, it's a small world. I have still remained drug/alcohol/tobacco free this summer. This makes me want to stay that way even more. People always say that I go to too many parties, and I go because I am afraid of what my friends are getting into, and I can't handle it if this happens again. I can't watch all of you like a god, but I try the best I can.

There is probably way more to my summer that I am forgetting about, but this is long enough for now. I may add more if I remember more because I like to look back at these things.

:)

love.

FORGOT TO MENTION: (told you I would remember something)

Ashlee and I went to Canada. While we were waiting at the bridge, my car overheated and we had to pull over by the gates to get through. We had to walk up to the guy to get our passports checked out and then had border patrol PUSH MY CAR ACROSS THE BORDER TO CANADA. We didn't DRIVE, through it we got PUSHED.

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 02:58:01 GMT

"Rome was not built in a day. Be patient."

thank you, Alycia.

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 02:08:55 GMT

a fortune from a fortune cookie may have just changed something really big for me.
which means that this particular fortune is going in the front page of the little book I keep my collection of them in.

I don't know why, but those little pieces of paper always mean a lot to me.

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 20:41:49 GMT

I wish to feel smaller under your hands, though you seem satisfied as you slip mine down your pants.
and I’m thinking about how you care half as much for me, while you lift up my shirt after asking politely.
and I guess it doesn’t matter what I am or pretend to be.

I want to end this now so dreams of you won’t keep me up.
But I swear I’m gonna cry, I’m sick of trying to be tough.

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:11:29 GMT

If she says that she's doing fine without you, and if she feels like she's doing time by being with you, small sins that are big within hold on to you.
But if she says that the feeling's dead, well she'll come back to you.

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 04:50:40 GMT

I met my everything earlier this year. They just don't know it yet.

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 23:47:32 GMT

I think about you all the time.

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 02:07:22 GMT

I came home at 6:30 this morning. Last night I went to the Bankle building with a bunch of kids I see every weekend. When we left, James, Alex and I went to CCS to go pick up a big tv James had in his apartment. While we were looking for a good place to break it, James spotted a house on fire. Alex and I still don't understand how he saw it from so far away because we didn't even see it until we pulled up in front of the house. We called 911 and sat there for a little bit and 5 firetrucks came so James took a bunch of pictures of everything. Then we found a good place to break the tv and that was done. It was reaaalll loud and I think breaking it made everyone's mood a little bit better, cause we were all feeling a tid bit lousy.

The Bankle building is by far the coolest place I think I've been to in Detroit, next to the Trumbullplex which I think might be my favorite. The guy that lived there is the one that designed the ford GT I think? He was loaded and had a lot of neat artwork and really nice cars all over the place for everyone to look at and make loud noises with. I guess there were a lot of awkward situations last night at that party, with random people being there that you don't ever want to see but occasionally run into each other. That sort of thing. It's always good.

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 10:33:33 GMT

6:30 am and I am still awake.
the sun is up, the birds are chirping, and the sprinklers are on.
Tom and Jerry is also on cartoon network right now, I love it.
I haven't gone to sleep yet, and I can't believe I am actually messing around with this thing.

I've been thinking all night and I think I figured some things out, I just need to tell the person it involves.

I've changed my mind so much I can't even trust it

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 06:15:17 GMT

I made this tonight out of boredom and because Nick told me to.

My day was full of irony. how ridiculous.

I made a mistake tonight. Actually, make that 2.